Pasta

Just my Dad and I. We at a lot of pasta spaghetti, goulash, macaroni and milk I don't remember eating anything else just those three dishes I am sure we most have at other things but i just remember eating those over and over again. 

Braided Rug Self Portrait of Chicago artist Alllen Vandever

I remember sitting on a braided rug in my mom's new place.   I felt melancholy.   I remember following the patterns of the rug with my eyes.. Then I began falling into the patterns  losing myself.  I escaped  from the sadness and traveled into the rug I found a whole new world,  were my sorrows did not exist. A good painting is one I can travel into and explore and loose my self in and find my self again. Now I create paintings for people to escape into and find there own worlds to explore and lose themselves in and then find them selfs a new.

Self portrait of Chicago artist Allen Vandever Braided Rug 30in by 30in

My memory of my Mom Leaving

I remember looking out the window as a car pulled away.  I remember crying and my Dad yelling. I ran to my room in tears.  My Dad was in my doorway, I felt like he was blaming me for my Mother leaving. For many years, I thought it was my fault that my Mom left even as a young adult I still felt that way. My family was shattered and all the kings horses and all the kings men could never put it together again.

Croocked Feet

I was born into this world 11.5 pounds 24in long and severely pigeon toed.   My first shoes were a pair of casts. When I slept I had to have my feet clamped into this divide that looked like a medieval torture device.   It was a long metal bar that my feet were strapped to and then cranked to bend them straight.   My first bad memory was waking up screaming in pain from this device, my Dad came running into my room and struggling to take them off as I lay there in agony. This pain was a sign of things to come.  My world my innocence was soon to be shattered

Third Memory 

I am playing with a toy tank on my grandmas floor while she is setting the table.  It is someone's birthday.  It is cloudy outside.   I have no clue what the future holds.   There are no concerns; pure innocence!  I love the feeling of those early memory its like deep meditation.  

Collage by Allen Vandever 2014

Second Memory

My only memory of my parents together, I was sitting on the ground near a row of bushes.  I can remember the big victorian house we lived in that was built to be the governor's mansion when Mitchell, my home town, was suppose to be the capitol of South Dakota before they decided to have the capital be in Pierre. 

My parents were looking at me.  I could tell they were happy.  The sun was setting behind them and they were partly silhouetted.  Though the sun in my eyes, I could see their smiles and their love for me.  This is my only happy memory of My Mom and Dad together.

First Memory

My first memory as a child is lying in my crib lost in a print of Van Gogh sunflowers with the warmth of the sun on me. I was lost in the world that he had created traveling in and around this world exploring the feeling of peace. There was no turning back I am an artist.